In my work as a coach I encounter women who make the decision to leave destructive and abusive partners. It's a life decision I understand well because I made it too. Women leave destructive marriages only after years of trying everything within our power to "fix" our relational dynamics. For years on end, our energy is sharply focused on doing and we have little to no energy to invest in our being. On the other side of separation or divorce, we hit a wall because our doing abruptly ends and there is nothing to replace it. We feel lost, frozen, and uncertain of what we should do. Because of our lack of focus on our being, we feel uncertain about who we are.
The concept of occupying liminal space can be profoundly helpful for abuse survivors in our recovery work. Liminal space refers to a transitional or in-between state. In liminality we know that we are no longer where we were, but we aren't quite sure where to go next. In the context of recovery, liminal space supports healing from trauma, rediscovery of self, and is a safe launching pad for what's to come.
Below are 5 ways I believe liminality supports recovery:
Acknowledging the Complexity of Healing: Liminal space recognizes that healing is not a linear process. Survivors may find themselves fluctuating between feelings of hope and despair, progress and setbacks. Accepting this liminality can reduce pressure and self-judgment, allowing survivors to embrace our journey with grace and compassion.
Permission to Be Unfinished: Recovery from abuse is a complex, ongoing process. Occupying liminal space allows survivors to acknowledge that it's okay not to have everything figured out. This can alleviate our feelings of inadequacy or failure when progress seems slow or uncertain.
Exploration and Discovery: Liminal space encourages exploration and self-discovery. Survivors can use this time to explore our emotions, beliefs, and values, gaining deeper insights into ourselves and our experiences. This exploration can lead to greater self-awareness and empowerment as we reclaim our being and steward our stories well.
Building Resilience and Adaptability: Navigating liminal space requires resilience and adaptability. Survivors learn to cope with uncertainty and ambiguity, developing skills like emotional intelligence and critical thinking that are essential to our healing journey. Resilience and adaptability provide us with greater confidence and strength to face what's to come.
Connecting with Others: Liminal space is not a solitary experience although it can feel isolating. Survivors find comfort and support by connecting with others who are also navigating liminal spaces. Through shared experiences and mutual support, we feel less alone in our journey and gain valuable insights and perspectives from others.
Overall, occupying liminal space provides survivors with a respite from the churn of unproductive doing. Embracing uncertainty and recognizing our potential for growth supports cultivation of resilience, self-discovery, and connection.
How has liminal space supported you on your recovery journey?
~dedicated to SL